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Suicide. No one wants suicide to be part of their story. Yet, this is part of our story. Kolt Dwain Fox left our side at 26 years old.

No one chooses to be overwhelmed with the feelings of wanting to die. They fall victim to that mental anguish. Whether a long-fought battle or a sudden decision based on circumstances, those who take their own lives are victims of a battle with despair, pain, and anguish.

How does this happen? How do we press on? How do we live with this loss?

These questions seem to be unending and the pain excruciating. Everyone seems to be filled with regret. We all examine our last moments with him. “Did I say the wrong thing? Was he upset the last time we talked?” “If only’s” plague so many hearts.

If only I had called that day when I thought about him...

If only I had talked to him when I saw him…

If only I had more meaningful conversations…

Everyone can speculate why, but we will never know. Regrets lead down illogical roads of crying out for second chances long after the casket has been closed. Replaying events in our heads to mentally change the past is pointless because the events of yesterday cannot be altered. There is no chance to reason, plead, or even encourage him.

Our loss is too final. Hope is gone.

In devastation, families are often left screaming against such hard circumstances.  

This is wrong. This isn’t good. This isn’t fair. This is not the way it’s supposed to be.

Our hearts can become so weary in this world cursed by sin. We will all encounter some type of struggle that leaves our heart overwhelmed and sad. We all have our own “why” that rips at our souls. A question that may never be answered.

Caught up in the struggle of why, we might not ever consider the more important question:

Is this all there is? Is this life, this hard work, this series of trials and tears…Is this all there is?

How this question is answered will affect every part of our hearts and our lives. The answer that we embrace will leave us either with hope or completely in despair. When we believe that the hard circumstance will never change, our thoughts slide down the slope of hopelessness. Hope has nothing to do with wishful thinking or positive vibes. Hope is a strong unwavering belief that holds your heart like an anchor in the fiercest of storms of this life.

But, how do you find hope when death has swallowed up your dreams?

Death comes in so many forms. We have the death of our loved ones, death of plans, death of normal, death of careers, death of marriages…death seems to completely devour the heart. But is there only death or has death given birth to life? In the death of a seed, we know that the life of a plant has begun. Is it possible that we can find life after these hard, overwhelming deaths?

There is one truth that propels our family forward. The truth that we have held onto with all our strength…through the picking of the casket, the selection of a plot of earth, through the funeral, at the cemetery, journeying down the hard road of living with grief…one firm unwavering belief…

This is NOT it. This life of trials and tears is NOT all there is for us.

This life on earth is not all there is to be lived. As the wind and waves of loss and grief threaten to overwhelm our hearts and destroy our faith, we hold tight to the unwavering promises of the God who created us and the Son who redeemed us.

Kolt, our son, our brother, our precious one is in heaven.

Heaven is a beautiful place not because of pearls or jewels. Heaven is the place where God dwells. Kolt is in heaven because he’s in the presence of God. Kolt is NOT in heaven just because he left the earth, and everyone goes there. He isn’t there because he was good. He is in heaven for one reason alone—Kolt believes in Jesus Christ. He heard, believed, and confessed the power of the cross to save.

Kolt knows Jesus as his Savior that lived a sinless life, died on a cross, was buried and rose from the dead. Jesus is alive today. Kolt accepted the free gift of salvation. Jesus is the Door to heaven, the only door. Kolt walked boldly into heaven because he entered through the Door.

Jesus said, “I am the door. If anyone enters by Me, he will be saved…” (John 10:9a).

We will still grieve here on this earth, but when our minds are fixed on things above, the grief is mingled with unimaginable joy. Ultimately death and suffering are tied to this cursed world due to sin. But God planned a way…

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son” (John 3:16a).

The death of Jesus on the cross was more than enough to pay the penalty for all sins. All you have to do is believe and receive Christ, and you will be completely clean and in right standing with God. Kolt believed in Jesus and received that beautiful cleansing. No matter what sins Kolt or we commit, the cleansing of Jesus is more than enough. Now Kolt shares in all the benefits won for him by Jesus Christ, the Son of God, in heaven. Everyone has that opportunity.

“If you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved” (Romans 10:9).

In memory of Kolt and Honor of our Savior. May God be glorified.

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