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If your life is in a state of despair and brokenness, please read this and let me tell you how I was in that very same situation, but my life was changed. You may ask what changed. Did you win the lottery, did you invent a get rich scheme or maybe you just lost fifty pounds? No my friend, something far better than that…

Childhood

From the age of eight until adulthood I lived in such a state of loneliness, despair, bondage, hopelessness, and rejection. When I was 8 I began to be rejected by my peers. For 7 years I was continuously rejected, ridiculed, and belittled at school. At the age of 15 my parents left me and I felt such a sense of loneliness in the pit of my belly. I just wanted to be accepted, I just wanted to be loved, and I just wanted to be wanted. Everywhere I turned I was cast aside and rejected, relationship after relationship. I just wanted to be loved. Why wouldn’t anyone love me? What was wrong with me?

Adulthood

Throughout my adulthood I was in relationships where I was physically and emotionally abused. I endured the mistreatment because I just wanted to be loved by someone. I continued from relationship to relationship looking for love but always being rejected. Time after time I was rejected and afterword I would be so devastated. What was wrong with me? Why wouldn’t anyone love me?

Things Got Worse

When I was in my mid 30’s I was so broken, hurt, and distraught that I thought if I got married that I would receive the love I had been looking for. Once I got married I realized I made the mistake of my life. This man was so wicked that he threatened to kill me. I went through a nasty divorce and was so utterly broken into so many pieces that I wanted to die! I was so depressed and I was having anxiety and panic attacks. I was in the hospital 6 times in one month from the anxiety attacks. I was taking Xanax for the panic attacks. I could not sleep and I could not eat. I was gripped and paralyzed by so much fear. I could not drive my car due to the anxiety attacks I would have in my car. Even the medication was not controlling the attacks; all it would do was put me to sleep and then I would wake up and the cycle would start all over again. I kept seeking help from my doctor. I remember calling my doctor one day and telling the nurse the medication was not helping and explaining I was still having the attacks. The nurse said she would take my information and let the doctor know. She called me back and said the doctor said if the medicine was not helping for me to go to the emergency room.

A Change Was Coming

I knew right then that they were telling me there was no hope for me. They could not help me. I had to get free from this from the only source I knew, which was Jesus. I flushed all the medicine down the toilet and never took another pill for anxiety from that day on. I still was not free at that point; it was a process. I remember one day being in my bathroom hiding and paralyzed by so much fear that I could not leave my bathroom. I could not cook for my children or care for them properly. As I sat there in the bathroom, scared to leave, I called a friend. She told me that it was all in my mind. My mind was telling me I could not leave my bathroom, I could not cook, and I could not drive. (In reality it was just the devil filling my head with all those lies.) She had a granddaughter who was brain dead and her body did not function properly. My friend told me that if her granddaughter’s mind would function properly, her body would follow in line. That hit me and I understood completely for myself how I had been listening to the lies of the enemy and he had me scared to do anything. If I tried to exercise he would tell me I would stop breathing and I would believe him. While I was driving my car, he would tell me I was going to end up in a mental institute, there was no hope for me, and I would believe his crazy lies. I began to reject every lie Satan would tell me. If he said I could not drive, I would not listen. All his negativity and his lies that he put in my mind had to be rejected. Everything that is contrary to God’s Word is a lie.

Time To Trust God With My Life

I knew of God, I went to church, I prayed, but I did not trust God completely with my life.

I had to begin to live the truth of God’s Word:

“For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds; casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:4,5).

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end” (Jeremiah 29:11).

“The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly” (John 10:10).

Good News For All!

I have good news! If your life is in a state of despair, God wants to restore you and give you an abundant life. Jesus died that you could be free. God never desires for His people to be bound by anything. There is nothing that He is not able to deliver you from. Just turn to the One who died for you and rose again. You could say the following prayer:

“Father, in the name of Jesus, my life is a mess. I am totally lost and I have no hope. I confess my sins and I am sorry for not trusting in you. God, I ask in Jesus’ name that you forgive me and restore and change my life. I believe Jesus died on the cross for my sins and rose again to give me new life. I thank you for saving me. In Jesus name. Amen.”

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