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“But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar [unique/special] people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light.” 1 Peter 2:9

My Darkness

I grew up in a broken home. It was physically together, but just because people are physically around you doesn’t mean they are there for you. My parents cared about me, but were unable to cope with their issues and emotions or mine.

School was not a refuge from my home life. It was a disaster—years of chaos, especially High School. I went to a pretty bad High School. All my friends, who were older, warned me, saying, “You are a nice kid. If you go to that High School you are going to be taken advantage of, really bad things are going to happen to you.” 

In order to survive I adopted a tough guy persona, and hung out with gang members and drug dealers. I got in a lot of fights, and was suspended many times. One day my best friend, who was in a gang, got mad at me for something petty. He and his “goons” jumped me, punched me eight times, and knocked me unconscious. I fell backward, and only my backpack kept me from smashing my head on the concrete. I very easily could have died that day.

From the age of 12, and for the next 7 years, I also had very severe panic attacks, suicidal thoughts and tendencies, and eating disorders. I kept hitting “rock bottom,” and attempted suicide several times as the cycle of brokenness got worse and worse. I endured all kinds of abuse. I was sexually assaulted, and I had just about every mental illness you can think of. At one point I was even schizophrenic, experiencing both auditory and visual hallucinations, which made me question everything—“Is what I’m hearing real?” “Is what I’m seeing real?”—It was terrifying.

Into His Light

Things reached a crisis point my Sophomore Year of High School. I hit rock bottom again. I didn’t want to kill myself, but there was nowhere else to turn. I had attended the Catholic Church sparingly growing up, but knew nothing about God. I considered myself an Atheist. When I got suspended one more time, my parents gave up on me. They said there was nothing more they could do for me. The only option was a Christian School in my town. My parents were willing to let me go there, but thought that I was a “lost cause.” They told me, “Even in a perfect environment God couldn’t save you.” I instantly went from having a tear running down my cheek to a huge smile on my face. I told my parents that I would love to go to the Christian School. 

I don’t think the Christian School was ready for someone like me. I was a challenge for my teachers. I struggled academically. I couldn’t speak proper English, everything was “hood” and “slang.” I was also a mystery to my classmates. Most of them came from Christian homes, and had gone to Church all their lives, but I walked different, I talked different. They freaked out the first day, when I asked, “Yo, where’s my locker?” I’m sure many of them thought that the God they put their faith and trust in could never save a wretch like me.

In my Junior Year I played on the Christian School’s basketball team. We won a regional tournament and were invited to play in another tournament out of State. On that bus trip I sat next to a weird, nerdy, homeschooled kid who was also on the team. I asked him lots of questions, “Why do you read the Bible?,” “Why do you listen to Gospel Music and Hymns instead of ‘normal’ music?” etc. His Father was a Pastor, and we ended up being in the same hotel room. When we went out to dinner I asked question after question—probably 30 or more—“Why does God allow bad things to happen?,” “How can God be just and loving if He allows people to go to Hell?” etc. My friend and his Dad patiently answered each question. They cleared up all my doubts and objections. I now had “head knowledge,” but wasn’t ready to accept Christ.

God was still at work. After a month of reading my Bible and praying, I called my friend and met up with him. I told him I was ready, I wanted to be saved. He went through the “Romans Road” with me: 

• Romans 3:23, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.”
• Romans 6:23, “For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”
• Romans 10:9-10, “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.”

Right there, on April 13, 2020, at the beginning of the Covid Pandemic, and in the middle of a tropical storm, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and personal Savior. God not only saved me, He has restored everything that was broken in my life. He has healed all the traumas of my past. I am living proof of 2 Corinthians 5:17:

“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”

I am not proud of the things I did in my past, but I am not ashamed of them either. The Lord had me go through those things for a reason. What Jesus did for me, He can do for you.

Come out of your darkness and into His marvellous light!

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