Proverbs on Friends

In today’s busy world, friendship often takes a back seat to “more important matters.” Most of us are too busy with family and careers and hobbies to invest in meaningful friendships. Now, if you’re in middle school, friendship is a life or death situation. But once you’re an adult, friendships feel like a luxury item because we’ve learned to power through without them.

Friendship is one of the most fundamental aspects of our humanity. God created Adam with a heart that ached. He woke up in a world that was literally perfect, but he couldn’t bear the pain of being alone. He yearned for a friend. Friendship is a significant theme in the Bible. In the book of Proverbs, Solomon is always happy to show us the picture of perfection. So when he gives us wisdom on friendship, he will show us the ideal friend.

Friends are Compassionate

Look at Proverbs 17:17, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” What a beautiful sentence: a friend loves at all times. If you have a brother or a sister, they inherited a relationship with you. You share the same blood, so when your life falls apart, they’ll be there for you. It’s part of their job description. But a friend shows up because they love you. And they don’t just show up on hard days; they love at all times. They laugh with you and they cry with you.

Friends are Loyal

Solomon warns us about fair-weather friends. “Wealth brings many new friends, but a poor man is deserted by his friend…. Many seek the favor of a generous man, and everyone is a friend to a man who gives gifts” (Proverbs 19:4,6). Fair-weather friends are convenient. They’re easy to find and they can take away the sting of loneliness, but when you lose your money or position, you lose your friends. Think about the prodigal son. When he went to a foreign land with a fist full of money, he made quick friends. But when his cash ran out, so did his friends. Where were they when he was eating the pig filth? They were mooching off someone else.

Consider the quality of your friendships for a moment. What is fueling your friendships? Is it love or some other reason? If you have a true friend, you have a rare treasure. Guard that friendship with everything you have.

Friends are Careful

One thing that makes a true friend so great is that they know you to the core. They know what makes you tick. They know how to read your face. They know when to lean in and when to give you space. Solomon has strong warnings for people that are not careful with their friends. “Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day” (Proverbs 25:20). “Whoever blesses his neighbor with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, will be counted as cursing” (Proverbs 27:14).

The uncaring friend just wants to lighten the mood. They haven’t dealt with their own pain, so they certainly can’t handle your pain. That is why they crank up the happy music when your heart is heavy. If you want to go deep into your relationships, you need to care enough about the other person to sit with him when he’s sad. You need to care enough to back off a little when she needs space. It takes a lot of time and effort to cultivate a true friendship, but it’s worth the effort.

Friends are Candid

A true friend will say hard things in love. “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:5-6). A soft friend will butter you up, but he isn’t a true friend because a true friend will call you out. They even wound you. As Oscar Wilde says, “True friends stab you in the front.” I will never outgrow my need for instruction. If I need to hear hard stuff, I’d like to hear it from someone that loves me and knows me. My friends push me. And it always hurts, but it’s what I need. Do you have friends that will push you out of the mud? Have you given them permission to lovingly rebuke you or are you immune to criticism?

And so this is the picture of an ideal friend. He loves at all times. She is sensitive to your needs. And they speak the truth in love.

—Michael Talley